All Nostalgiaed Out

College reunions are odd things. I look forward to them for between months and years, and then when they happen, it's...different.

People aren't different. They may be ten years older and accompanied by babies, but the essential same-ness of my friends is remarkable. The same humor and warmth and outlook are all still there, and it's as though we were all there together last week. Albeit without babies.

The Vassar campus is very different, but not in ways that really matter--I don't care if there are posh new bathroom fixtures and a few buildings have been completely renovated. Same landscaping, same views, same vibe.

What's different is that I am not in college anymore. Just a teeny little thing--when I was there, when I was building up all my wonderful memories, I was doing things every day that affected my future. When I returned this weekend, I was on a brief holiday to reminisce about the past. Which is all well and good, but it kind of misses the point of what I really loved about it. The people might be far away, but they're still in my life. The place itself is great, but not exactly worth the trouble of a three-day visit.

It kind of hit me at some point that there's no opportunity for me there anymore. I've been conscious for a long time about how I've missed many opportunities over the course of my life--as we all have, but I tend to dwell on it--and it suddenly struck me as slightly sad to be there. I couldn't stay, go to class for a semester, pull all-nighters, have torrid romances with people who were all wrong anyway. All the pleasurable anticipation was gone.

Maybe by '13 I'll have learned to fake it, or do without. Hopefully I'll at least remember to pack shampoo by then.